A stupid question. Lots of brilliant answers.

How to build a relationship with God?

One of the best answers:

Generally speaking, relationships are built on mutual communication and concern for one another. You need to be in contact with another being and share experiences and interests... I don't see how such a thing is possible with a god. Your god shares no experiences with you -- He is supposed to be everything that you are not (immortal, omniscient, etc) and it strikes me as impossible to imagine that such a being could ever care about any lesser being and you're certainly never going to share any mutual understanding because you're completely incapable of operating on the same level -- you might claim an ant as a friend, for example, but how would the ant claim you as a friend? 

Religious people will tell you that if you just follow their religion closely enough, you can have such a relationship, but unless they can show you any effects from such a relationship, I don't see any good reason to believe them. Afterall, if you listen to religious people long enough, you start to notice that the god they have a relationship with has all the same passions and prejudices that they do...so be aware that it is more likely that they are talking to themselves than anything external to them. Make sure you avoid this trap yourself -- you should have disagreements with your god as much as you do with any other human.

Another brilliant answer:

I assume you're talking about Poseidon, since Poseidon is the one true god. In order to build a personal relationship with him, there are a few things you must do. First, you mustn't worship false gods like "Zeus", "Hades", or "Yahweh". Doing so with earn you a spot in the deserts of Hell. Second, you must be at one with the sea. You must swim in any body of water once a week. But only in saltwater. Freshwater is for baptising. Get baptised with fresh water once. Third, pray to him everyday. Only pray to him on a boat. Fourth, you mustn't eat fish. Fish are the holy animals. You must show great love and respect for fish; they were made in Poseidon's image. Fifth, go to the fish market every week and protest. Hold signs and tell everyone there that they're going to Hell. This shows a great deal of respect towards Poseidon. Lastly, accept that Mermaids are here to save you. Mermaids are the link between human and sea world, and our god put them here to offer us a relationship with him.

Another brilliant answer:

Are you delusional, gullible, hateful, pompous, arrogant, ignorant, illogical, irrational, a bigot, narcissistic, mentally unstable, incompetent and have more dysfunctional traits like being needy, insecure and fearful of dying? Do you believe in magic? If so, you are perfect to have a very close relationship with god. Good luck!

Another answer:

Well....if you really want a relationship you need to get him to actually show up. You know....maybe a diner and movie. Yeah...we both know that's silly. You should think about that.

My answer:

I suggest start it off with an email message to Mr. God. Not sure what his email address is. You might want to try god@gmail.com