Two morons. Take your pick

Wall Street Journal

OPINION

COMMENTARY

The 2020 Election Offers Low Spirits and High Comedy

Anyone not already committed to a political hard line can’t get excited about either candidate.

By Joseph Epstein

September 17, 2020

How is it that in what has been called the most important presidential election in our nation’s recent history, I find myself viewing the candidates as essentially comic characters? The one man with his baroque hairdo, the other with his sad hair plugs; the one who speaks before he thinks, the other who doesn’t seem able to think very well while he is speaking—these two men, Donald Trump and Joe Biden, seem like nothing so much as puppets. They are two Punches with no Judy, each beating the other with his brickbat, which one assumes they will continue to do right up to Nov. 3.

My guess is that most people tend to vote, as I have through much of my life, for lesser-evil choices. Sometimes, true, it seems that you need the political equivalent of a Geiger counter to tell. In 2020 instead of a lesser evil, a lesser-comic choice is on offer, in which one of the reigning questions is: Which of the two candidates is less preposterous?

People with TDS, or Trump Derangement Syndrome, tend to view Mr. Trump as our Mussolini, a figure of genuine evil, who could scarcely be more dangerous, as they like to add, “to our democracy.” Mr. Biden has no syndrome in his name, but there is clearly something we might call BA, Biden Apathy: a condition in which it is impossible to get up any enthusiasm for a man who has been in government for 50 years without achieving anything notable. Mr. Trump tells us that the salvation of America depends on his election; Mr. Biden that his deceased son, Beau, wanted him to rescue the country by running for president. Ross Perot, where are you now that we need you?

“It’s Donald Trump’s America” is the new mantra of Democratic Party strategists who wish to counter Mr. Trump’s laying the blame for recent violence and looting on Democratic governors and mayors. Mr. Biden meanwhile, in what today passes for a courageous stand, has finally come out against violence and looting. Mr. Trump tells us that the election of Mr. Biden will result in a socialist America; Mr. Biden that the president’s re-election will mean the end of the country as we know it.

What to do? Not much except, after laughing at the unreality of it all, remind ourselves that it is all too real, and wonder how it has come to a pass that two such undistinguished human beings are vying for the most significant political office in the world. Mr. Biden, not much doubt about it, is hostage to the progressive wing of his party. Mr. Trump is hostage not only to his base but to his own innumerable character flaws, among them a schoolboy braggadocio that makes even the genuine accomplishments of his years in office seem mere acts of egotism.

Both of our political parties, meanwhile, have lapsed into a state of hopeless bankruptcy. One signal of this is that neither could come up with more impressive presidential candidates. Part of the reason is the divisiveness in the country generally. This divisiveness brings out the worst in both parties, and precludes either party seeking out candidates of dignified mien, measured thought or strong character.

In the spirit of tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight, one looks forward to the presidential debates. Messrs. Trump and Biden are likely to accuse each other of corruption, and both would be right. One subject unlikely to come up is the allegations of sexual predation that have been leveled at both men. There is Mr. Trump’s infamous “Access Hollywood” tape and Mr. Biden’s hair-sniffing and the Tara Reade accusations. Mr. Biden will accuse Mr. Trump of being in cahoots with Vladimir Putin, Mr. Trump will accuse Mr. Biden of being in thrall to Bernie Sanders & Co. Arguments about policy, though they may arise, won’t be the reason most people will watch the debates. Most people, I venture, will do so to hear once again Mr. Trump’s exaggerated accounts of his own successes (those ventilators again!) and in the hope that Mr. Biden, grand gaffemeister that he is, will mention by the way that Venezuela is in Africa. The truth quotient at any rate will likely not reach new highs.

Four more years of Donald Trump, or four new years of Joe Biden—neither prospect offers any solace to voters not already locked into a hardened political line. Those of us who fancy we aren’t, wonder if the country will ever return to its old politics of rivaling interest groups and contending theories of government, held together by respect for each other and readiness to compromise. Donald Trump and Joe Biden may provide comedy—but little in the way of comic relief.

Mr. Epstein is author, most recently, of “Charm: The Elusive Enchantment.”