Northwestern Illinois is a wonderful place for many reasons, including an extremely fast internet.

Here in this beautiful farm town, the electricity works perfectly 100% of the time, including during snowstorms, violent thunderstorms, extreme heat, extreme cold, and strong winds. Never once has the electricity gone out, not even for one second.

The internet speed (Comcast) is faster than I thought was possible. Less than one second for everything.

Internet speed test: Download Mbps is 358.20.

Praise Comcast. Praise my farm town. Praise my powerful apple desktop computer with a huge screen for playing chess and watching movies.

And praise the American taxpayers who are paying all my bills so I never have to work again.

Imagine getting up in the morning and having to go to work. Now imagine getting up in the morning and having nothing to do but have fun, forever until the end of time, or when I drop dead, whichever comes first.

Also imagine living in the most wonderful house in the world, my home. This is heaven, a real heaven, no magic required.